hard time

[amethyst69]

ifound out i had hsv when i met a man 4 years younger than me we were together just over a year , i found out 3 month into relationship i had hsv2 ihad never had anything like this before ive had 3 children who are grownup now im 37 i then went on to discover he had lied to me he wasnt single he had a partner of 10 years she had just had skin cancer removed and was about to give birth to there second chld needless to say i knew were i had gotton it from then , he left me and went back to his parents home and now im left living with this iam terrified of giving it to anybody else and so are currently living with the possibility i wont ever meet a partner again , i feel like i dont know how to live with this .... its making me feel very much alone

amethyst

[tucson81]

`Hi Amethyst,

That's rough. My heart goes out to you in your situation. I imagine most of us got this due to someone not being honest with us and it feels like a total violation - mind, body and soul.

In my case, I finally gave up my virginity at 20 and decided at 22 to abstain for fear of contracting a disease. I had been abstinent for 5 years. Then, went on a date with an Army guy when I was 27 and he forced himself on me afterwards. The next day he called and apologized and begged me not to tell anyone because he was married and had children. Two weeks later I had an outbreak. When I was finally diagnosed a year later, I called him freaking out. He swore he was tested every 6 months with the Army and had no such thing. He violated me on so many levels and wouldn't even fess up to giving me HSV-2 after all that.

I've been diagnosed for 6 years now and it is still hard. I've been on a lot of dates with interested guys, who don't want herpes - and who blames them! Finding the time to tell someone and overcoming the fear of rejection is the hardest part. I did meet a guy who I dated for 2 years who was not positive. The beginnings of that relationship was difficult. I told him on the 3rd date and he was angry.. He felt like I should have told him sooner, which I think is fair. The duration of that relationship was filled with resentment from him whenever he was angry with me. HSV-2 became an opportunity to throw something in my face and always gave him the upper hand. Luckily he has not had any symptoms. I finally got brave enough to leave him a month ago and start over. Moved state and all.

I've learned the following (and I hope this helps you):
-I am still an amazing person despite this disease
-HSV-2 does not define us as human beings
-someone "accepting" you with herpes does not give them a free pass to abuse you
-I'm not sure if I'm comfortable dating another non-positive person and will be careful about this in the future
-How to forgive
-(and this is the most important) How to love myself

I sincerely hope that you find peace in your heart and someone who appreciates you for who you are.

Love and Light!