Uncertain

[don63]

Hi I do not know if anyone actually reads these posts much or not but what the heck do I have to lose by trying?

I am new to the site and find myself in a place that I find hard to describe. I am unhappily married but she is content with our life as it is now and not willing to change.

I am not necessarily looking to make a big change in my life but I know I would be willing to if the situation was right. Frankly I do not want to be alone. I just learned that I have this "gift" and have probably had it for 30 years. That of course limits my opportunities for change. Well I guess it would not if I willing to be dishonest...but I am not. I would not want to impose herpes on anyone so I feel stuck.

Anyway this is who I am, lonely but feeling like I have no options to change and time is running out for me to experience someone that loves me as much as I love her.

[(deleted)]

`I feel like a hypocrite saying this, but I think you only have one option if this is true. Can't be afraid to accept the consequences of Truth but at the same time isn't Marriage important? What has happened between the time you married your wife and now that would make desire to leave her? Is there not a way to be honest and at the same time be happy with your wife? I am sorry, I just want to understand.

[don63]

`I truly am not comfortable sharing everything I have tried, experienced or said to save my marriage. This is not some decision that comes easily if you take your commitments seriously like I do. Suffice to say this has been going on for decades. So I am sorry if you find it difficult to understand, truly and I really don't think you can until you have experienced it as well. If this is the wrong site for me then I will move along. I just hope that there is someone that can relate to my experience and perhaps feels the same. I have no desire to mislead or be rude, hence my honesty in my introduction. There are going to be many that cannot fathom how rejection and pain in a relationship wears on your psyche and diminishes your enjoyment of the relationship. I hope I did not seem rude in my response my young friend, I merely am not able to fully explain all the pain I have felt and continue to feel.